Help Wanted: An Interpreter for a 2 Year Old

Most of my posts are related to  Big Red and the funnel cake business.  This week, I feel obligated to divert from my usual format to discuss a problem.

As I’ve twittered for the past few days, I’ve been in Harrisonburg helping Peggy, her son, Todd, and her grandson, Kagen, move.  They’ve been in a condo/apartment for years and have now moved into a big, old house with a huge yard ideal for Kagen and his never ceasing energy.

I’ve always considered myself an independent sort, many times mistakenly thinking I can do anything.  I know I can’t run a four minute mile nor can  I  bench press  400 lbs.  Maybe, I can walk 1/4 of a mile and bench press a #2 pencil.  But still, I have a strong belief in doing almost anything else.  I once even put four stitches in a cut on my hand just to avoid going to the doctor for help. 

But, now, I need help.  Thus this Help Wanted ad.

Kagen talks incessantly.  Especially, on the phone.  Sunday night, he talked with my sister for 45 minutes giving Jean very little chance to get a word in.

Put him in the car, and it’s a non-stop diatribe of everything he sees.  If he’s awake, he’s talking.  An then, he’ll say something funny because he starts laughing out loud.

He doesn’t just speak in words or bits of sentences.  He doesn’t even speak in paragraphs.  He speaks in pages of dialogue.

Plus, he is extremely demonstrative.  Not only with the inflection in his voice, but the use of his hands.  You’d think he was an orator delivering a speech rousing the crowd to a feverish pitch emphasizing every point with his hands.  Monday, when Peggy stopped at the post office to change her address, Kagen entertained everyone, including the sorters in the back who came out front to see who was carrying on such a conversation.

Only, none of us have any idea what he is saying. 

Yes, there are a few words.  He calls his father, Daddy unless he’s mad at him and calls him TODD! He calls me OomPa, close to grandpa.  You can understand  Cows, Kit-cat, drink, blankey, Good Job, and I’m Happy.  And, of course, as all two year olds know:  NO. 

I speak bits and pieces of five languages: English, Spanish, French, German and Korean.  Now, don’t get all goofy.  I can ask where the bathroom is and give me a double shot of bourbon in those languages.  You know, the important things.

Kagen must speak Chinese or something because I don’t have a clue.

Thus, the need for an interpreter.  Please reply.  I think he really has something important to say.  Just don’t know what it is.

I’m off for Woodbridge again on Friday for a six game home stand of the Potomac Nationals over the Memorial Day weekend.  Should be a really busy group of games.  A report to follow.